The Nearly Impossible Task of Creating Work-Life Balance for Parents

Children and caregiving situations are as different from one other as snowflakes, and so is what they need from us.

Accepting this variety, as parent-workers and parent-worker supporters, means supporting a family-inclusive workplace that prevents discrimination and capitalizes on the strengths that caregivers bring.

There are many ways employers and colleagues can support working parents. That includes, most importantly, building some flexibility into work routines to empower parents and dismantle the “Motherhood Penalty,” that is, the damaging discriminatory attitudes and practices that working mothers often face. There are also things parents can do to maintain balance and well-being, as detailed below.

Let Go of Anxiety and Guilt

Anxiety and guilt about meeting both family and work obligations diminish our engagement in each.

To be a parent is to make decisions that prioritize your children. Don’t apologize to yourself or to anyone else for taking a break from work to do something for or with your child each day. Your children or other people you are responsible for do not have an off switch.

Schedule Time for Your Second Job

We say “work-life balance” but we know it’s actually “work-work balance.”

Being a parent or caregiver is a second job. There is no way around it. Jobs require time. Time requires scheduling — and sometimes during the workday.

In the same way you budget time among several activities for your paid job, do so for the major activities of your unpaid labor: food and hygiene, quality time, medical appointments, rest and exercise, transportation, administration (scheduling, paying for, and otherwise arranging childcare and activities), and civic duty (being involved in the institution where your child spends time).

While food, hygiene, rest and exercise are most often done before and after working hours, many of the others will take time during business hours. Schedule them, put them on your calendar and inform your colleagues.

Embrace the Unexpected Concerning Outsourced Care

Childcare is an involved and somewhat unpredictable dance. Even with the best partners, there will be odd pick-up and drop-off times, meetings, times to participate and times to support (not to mention sick days).

If you work with a parent or caregiver, accept that they will be pulled away at times to facilitate their child’s journey from one activity to another, or there will be scheduled and unexpected times when they are with their child. Trust them to find their balance and remember that, despite each day’s meticulously laid plans, in a parent’s world, one expects the unexpected nearly every minute. If you are a parent looking at care options, check out the GSA’s resources for childcare, as well as the Department of Labor’s 7 Resources All Parents Should Know About as starting points.

Seek and Provide Flexibility

With an employer’s approval, be capable of working with your child nearby or from a place where your child is participating in a supervised activity, if it is a situation in which you can focus.

As best you can, negotiate flexible schedules with your employer to allow you to meet your family obligations and perform well at your job.

Take Time for Yourself

Parents who cannot work remotely need to use sick days to stay home with their sick children. But when they get sick, they find themselves having to go to work in order to keep enough sick days for when children get sick. Don’t neglect your health and your need for rest and recuperation. Keep lines of communication open with your supervisor concerning your own well-being.