Conflict resolution doesn’t have to be awkward or result in a blowup. Here are a few simple tricks to de-escalate tense work situations.
Today was a fun one.
Our company has a ton of very intelligent, high performers, and we’re currently refining a bunch of internal processes. So you know what that means: a lot of moving pieces, lots of opinions, and muddy swim lanes with everyone jumping in to problem-solve.
Well, I overstepped my bounds.
I started creating a new system without full buy-in from the director whose team would be directly impacted by any changes. He felt out of the loop, which was only exacerbated when asked about the new changes in front of our leadership team.
No bueno.
Fortunately, my colleague and I have a great working relationship. We talked it out, said our mutual pieces, and came to a resolution that works for everyone (and ensures this situation won’t happen again).
We even spoke after work to make sure that everything is copacetic. Again, we’re very close (usually left-hand, right-hand), so it was a quick fix. But it did get me thinking about conflict resolution, and how something like this could’ve absolutely blown up in my face.
And when you’re a GovLoop contributor and life gives you lemons, make content. So here are a few quick and dirty ways to snuff out a conflict before it washes over your entire team/department/organization.
Quick and dirty conflict resolution tips
Smother conflicts immediately
Conflict is a fire. It needs oxygen to breathe. The longer it goes unaddressed, the larger it grows.
Jump on it, smother it, and do not let it fester.
Have those difficult conversations. Rip the band-aid off, and just get right to the meat of a disagreement.
Will it be uncomfortable? Maybe. That depends on your relationship with whomever you’re engaging.
Will it derail your day? It might. But better than owning real estate in your head and sabotaging your work.
It might also unearth larger issues on your team. Or it might springboard you into a meaningful change.
Whatever the case: just get ahead of any conflict by addressing immediately.
Be humble, be polite
This is a toughy. After all, if you’re going into a conflict you’re likely to have some emotional investment.
Take a moment. Ask questions. Really look at it from your teammate’s POV.
I cannot emphasize this enough: Ask questions.
The only way to learn is to understand and the only way to understand is to ask.
Now, armed with new information, what could you have handled better? The same goes for your teammate.
It’s possible to apologize for your error, while still getting your point across.
Most conflicts stem from a simple lack/breakdown of communication. By immediately jumping on the situation and having a rational discussion you’re already ahead of the game.
Proper conflict resolution starts and ends with a resolution
I learned this from our CEO, who is absolutely masterful at navigating strong personalities and keeping everyone focused on the larger goals at hand.
Before a conversation, he’ll ask something along the lines of “so what do we want to accomplish?” or “what are we trying to achieve?”
It sets the tone for the conversation. And if things ever start going off the rails, he steers it back to the goal we established.
If you’re butting heads with somebody, start by asking what you each want as an outcome. Maybe you have the same endpoint, but different ideas on how to get there.
Maybe it’s nothing project related, and you both just want to establish a better working relationship (or at least one where you both can survive/thrive).
Start with the end point. Work towards a defined solution. Have action items if needed. But more than anything, establish what you want. It’ll help frame not just the discussion, but also how you got to this point.
Some people turtle at any sign of conflict, others run to it like a first responder. Whatever your natural instinct, just acknowledge that it exists, handle it swiftly, diplomatically, and with the intent of using the tension as a catalyst for (personal/professional) growth.
At the end of the day, it’s just work. But you still have to be there for 35+ hours a week. Might as well create your own reality.
Jonathan Bass is a jack-of-all-trades and master of some. His passions include building workplace culture, connecting teams through effective (and interpersonal) operations, and finding the most efficient paths to success. When he’s off the clock, you can find him introducing his children to the natural world, plowing through a Larry McMurtry novel, or practicing bluegrass standards on the banjo. Jonathan is currently the Director of Marketing at Urban SDK, a cloud based traffic management software based in Jacksonville, Florida.
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