Macabre Humor: Strange but True Stories for Trainers

Either I have weird friends or friends who just know weird things. To be quite honest, they know true, scary things. Not exactly Edgar Allan Poe but interesting facts of history I thought I’d share on Halloween. Not exactly Cave Man stuff, but close. I’m thinking more 15,000 B.C., but we’ll find humor in truth just 500 years ago.

At any rate, check out the true stories (as told to me) as to why we humans do things we do, why we have sayings and poetry that makes no sense today. Not that it was terribly deep then. This may get a little deep itself, so if you are do-do sensitive, please refrain from reading. No laughing or smiling for you.

Some of these facts would be straight from Ripley’s, but these are from Ron Harris, a friend of mine and fellow actor, via someone else via someone else until we get to some monk in the dark ages. However, this is the time of dark. Halloween, and not of dark days ahead. Check this out…

Check out the true stories (as told to me) as to why we humans do things we do, why we have sayings and poetry that makes no sense today. Not that it was terribly deep then. This may get a little deep itself, so if you are do-do sensitive, please refrain from reading. No laughing or smiling for you.

Friend Ron says, “Us older people need to learn something new every day…just to keep the grey matter tuned up.”

Ever wonder where the term “piss poor” come from? I always thought it was a “dad” original. Interesting History.

They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot. And, then once a day the urine was taken and sold to the tannery…and if you had to do this to survive you were “piss poor.”

But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn’t even afford to buy a pot. They “didn’t have a pot to piss in” and were the lowest of the low.

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature is too cold. If it isn’t just how you like it, think about how things used to be.

Here are some more facts about the 1500s:

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June. However, since they were starting to smell, brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.
Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water.

The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it.
Hence the saying, “Don’t throw the baby out with the Bath water!”

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm so all the cats and other small animals including mice and bugs lived in the roof.

When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof.
Hence the saying, “It’s raining cats and dogs.”

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed.

Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection.
That’s how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt.

Hence the saying, “dirt poor.” The wealthy had slate floors.

(Getting quite an education, aren’t you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while.

Hence the rhyme: ”Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old?”

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, “bring home the bacon.” They would cut off a little to share with guests and, you guessed it, they would all sit around and chew the fat.

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination of lead and alcohol would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up.

Hence the custom; of holding a wake?

England is an old and small country, and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, one out of twenty-five coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell.

Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be “saved by the bell” or was considered “a dead ringer.”

And that’s the truth, according to Ron.

Now, whoever said History was boring! So, get out there and educate someone! Share these facts with a friend. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, “What the heck happened?” Now we know. Now, whoever said History was boring!

“We’ll be friends until we are old and senile. Then we’ll be new friends. Smile, it gives your face something to do!”